Berserk: Manga 1st Chapter and my feelings.!!

Holy Crap Of the fiery Lord!!!

So it finally begins. I finally got my hands on the volume 1 of the critically acclaimed gore filled, gut wrenching drama and action pouring manga 'Berserk' and I am at a lost of words. So here I will review the manga page by page and will try to express my feelings however I can.

So we start with...........Guts having sex with Lindsay Lohan besides a fire!! The 1st page of the manga caught me a bit off guard, but I kinda didn't mind being a horny idiot that I am!!

It didn't matter to me much. But then the scene gets creepier when the girl turns into a demon and tries to kill your hero trying to get his freak on. Berserk...uh I mean Guts shoves his metal hands in her mouth. It sounds way nastier then it is! And then continue to blow it/her head of!! or its was the crossbow, It was definitely a crossbow. The last colored panel shows that he may have gouged it/her eyes out. Hmmm!!!:) Good time old school gore! And then the real manga begins or the manga begins for real. It shows after sex-cum-kill-the-freaking-demon-scene....hehe! CUMM!! Anyway, we see batman uh..I mean the black swordsman called Guts flinging his cape and looking back at the effed up she-demon, the scene concludes. I gotta give credit to the writers for their unapologetic chops for doing this illustration..WOOF! Then we see a nice little town, you know where finer things like slavery, prostitution and torture and other fine delights are common. We see a carriage filled with girls and children passing by Guts and to say guts doesn't give a flying fuck about them is an understatement. Enters Puck!

The cutest he/she elf in a manga I've ever seen being abused by a fat guy as a punching bag where he/she refused to get hit..OFF TO WIKIA! Oh its a HE!! Well HE is way too 'not' miserable for someone without a winnie!

Ssup Reek!!??

TEEHEE!!

  We see the kind townsfolk scared like a little bitch to do anything. Here our black swordsman enters the scene and politely asks to mess up the blacksmiths shop. And then just outta nowhere jams an arrow in the brain of the fat guy, like you know normal superhero stuff. after that, everyone around is just astounded but there is no time, Guts just shoots like Clint effing eastwood just pew pew pew...dead! Then while Puck and everyone just stunned and watching, Guts turns his attention to Hairy McDoogle while setting up his prosthetic hand-cum-crossbow and then WHOOSH!! BAM! He grooms Mr Mcdoogle into one of those tribal people from the Land of Hoohah!!

Or the hipster bully from your school that made you do his homework! :(

                                              Anyway! Guts just Jams the arrow around Mcdoogles' nose and tells him to deliver a message, "The Black swordsman is here" and he complies. Then Puck shouts" Behind you" and Guts pulls out the biggest, hardest, longest, broadest................................Sword I 've ever scene. Aside from Cloud's. So Cloud.. I mean Guts just sweeps and cuts the guy trying to backstab in half and I was like WHOOAAA!! and everyone was like 'RUN AWAY!! RUN AWAY!!' After wards Puck follows him in gratitude. But as always Guts doesn't give a flying fuck! He just pushes him away..without caring. Just at that vary moment! A shitload of soldiers come and capture him which I never got WHY he let them capture himself. Must have been a good reason coz he is BADASS. 

                            We see his body is being revelled in the delights of torture, I mean being tortured. A priest enters the room and says...well turns out the priest is actually the mayor. After being shell-shocked after looking at all the weapons Guts was carrying. That good mayor starts berating Guts about killing the kings soldiers. Then we hear the truth, the King is a cannibal and the children and women were his buffet..Ermagherd!! Thats creepy. So after the mayor leaves, puck comes and frees guts. Not that Guts appreciate it, considering he doesn't even wanna be touched. Puck flaps  his wings healing Guts. In the process of healing Puck encounters the mark and again is shunned by our badass like a Baws! Puck flies here and there and asks all kinds of questions about the mark to which Guts says...'Its a Brand'. 

                                              Here we find out how apparently heartless guts is and as an audience almost taste the anger inside him. After telling Puck that he doesn't gives a fuck about anything and just want to kill the king he touched the wound of the brand and licks the blood of it......That kinda made me a bit sick coz the artwork shows guts eyes as GODDAMN SATAN! After seeing how heartless Guts is, Puck leaves to see the horrific destruction of the King of the Koko Castle.

                                                Now we see the mayor meeting the king looking for forgiveness for Guts massacre of you know 2 people! This is the 1st time we see king, Dr Hannibal Lecter...I mean Mr Shark..OK! He looked liked a shark dining on fine human cousine with full manners and wore a snake armor. HE smells the fear out of the mayor and throws an ear out of his food at him....I dunno but that food looked very tasty!! ...eek!!

No we move back to where puck witnesses the destruction of king of the KOKO Castle! We see on the horizon that an army is coming led by a snaky figure...Oh that's king of the Koko Castle!!! With spear in one hand with someone's half cut body hanging on it. A closer look reveals that its a child!! Hollly CRAP!! Wasting no time, Guts launches his crossbow pew! pew! pew! and over half foot soldiers bits the dust. Then comes the big ass cloud sword(Sword that inspired cloud's metal hunk) and he cuts the coming horse in half. Then he turns his attention to the snake king apostle(These mixed fucks are called apostles) at the same time the snake king turns his attention to him and then shoots him with multiple awesome bolts LIKE A BOSS!!.......but there was no affect. Okay then, more bolts were shot, still no affect. Then one more bolt and pushes the snake king into a doorway.

                                                                       Now everyone is silent and Guts look at the doorway with a bit of surprise, but before he could react, a snakes take comes crashes the wall along the doorway and BAAAAAAAAAAAAM!! Rams Guts ass on the ground. Then comes a slithering condescending voice and it draws Closer and Closer and Closer.......!!Oh look, its Copperhead...or a really gamma radiated hulk like version of it. For the sake of the argument I am gonna call it Hulk-snake from now. So Hulkk-Snake draws near looking at the stunned soil soaked face of Guts, with Puck screaming like a bitch and every soldier calling it a monster hits Guts again with his tail nailing him to the wall. Hulk-Snake walks upto Guts and hangs him by his non prosthetic arm about to eat him, but Guts shoves his iron arm in the Hulk-Snakes mouth and launches a hidden cannon. The king drops...but not necessarily dead. While he is dropping, Guts takes his sword and cuts him in half. But the king is still not dead...bad luck for him! Because Guts, much like the punisher interrogates his agonizing ass about the god hand. To which the Hulk-Snake gives half baked-no-good answer. Guts then Barrages him with crossbow bolts and leaves him to die in vaporizing Agony... 

THE END!! ITS NOT FOR KIDS SO...KEEP YA KIDS OFF IT!