So, I actually am blanked out inside my head. I dunno what to believe in. Part of me wants to believe in people, and part of me wants to believe in my parents. Believe it or not, in most cases this belief thing is mutually exclusive these days. Let me boast a little bit, i have a descent good heart, maybe in many cases even golden, but most of the time I feel like I am held back by greed and nervousness. Now let me tell my story that why I got this sudden urge to pour my heart today.
Before that , my father is my hero . There is no question in that . But sometimes I just abselutely hate him for the reason is he antagonizes everyone around us. I wanna believe that its a realistic attitude but how can I be a good person If I don't see good in people. Man all this talk make me feel like a saint but, in all that the truth is maybe I don't have what it takes to be a gutsy person maybe I still have to be mature at 21.
So enough talk, this incident happened this morning:-
There was no water in the pipeline and I was under that impression that maybe there is no supply from back. we waited waited waited and waited..still no water. So I went down to see whats the issue with that , no problem, came back to the house ...then after sometime I checked again on my father's behest. I got there again and saw that one of the wires of our motor was cut off, then I saw that our neighbour's motor wire was cut off too. After that I got all angry and went upstairs and told father that some punk cut off our motor wire. His 1st reaction as always " WHO THE FUCK??", so I went downstairs again and told one of the residents who is the part of our welfare association what happened. He was all sleepy and his discomfort was apperant , his eyes were all "swollen with sleepiness"(write that down). and he takes a wodden plank goes up where the wire connection was severed and fixes it . Within all that time, my mind was knee deep inside that possiblity that maybe something fell from the above. I even said thank u to the guy for his generosity, I come back and find my father all angry and shouting at the neighbours...yelling " I WILL FILE A COMPLAINT AGAINST YOU ALL MOTHERFUCKERS, YOU DON"T LET ME LIVE IN PEACE!!" and he yelled and yelled . After that I knew it was coming, He yelled at me too." WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY TO THE WATCHMEN??" he said . I was dead scared and nervous and angry at that moment, so I did what all of us do in that situation, I lied that I thrashed the watchmen. but then he still kept on antagonizing, telling me what the hell i was doing, why didn't i found out the severed cable for the 1st time.
That's when i thought, what the hell ?? I still believe that there is good in my society, my father wanted me to scold or thrash that elderly watchmen, I couldn't do it. Does that make me less of a mature man?? I think m still trying to find out the answers or simply won't accepting the answers that exist.
Before that , my father is my hero . There is no question in that . But sometimes I just abselutely hate him for the reason is he antagonizes everyone around us. I wanna believe that its a realistic attitude but how can I be a good person If I don't see good in people. Man all this talk make me feel like a saint but, in all that the truth is maybe I don't have what it takes to be a gutsy person maybe I still have to be mature at 21.
So enough talk, this incident happened this morning:-
There was no water in the pipeline and I was under that impression that maybe there is no supply from back. we waited waited waited and waited..still no water. So I went down to see whats the issue with that , no problem, came back to the house ...then after sometime I checked again on my father's behest. I got there again and saw that one of the wires of our motor was cut off, then I saw that our neighbour's motor wire was cut off too. After that I got all angry and went upstairs and told father that some punk cut off our motor wire. His 1st reaction as always " WHO THE FUCK??", so I went downstairs again and told one of the residents who is the part of our welfare association what happened. He was all sleepy and his discomfort was apperant , his eyes were all "swollen with sleepiness"(write that down). and he takes a wodden plank goes up where the wire connection was severed and fixes it . Within all that time, my mind was knee deep inside that possiblity that maybe something fell from the above. I even said thank u to the guy for his generosity, I come back and find my father all angry and shouting at the neighbours...yelling " I WILL FILE A COMPLAINT AGAINST YOU ALL MOTHERFUCKERS, YOU DON"T LET ME LIVE IN PEACE!!" and he yelled and yelled . After that I knew it was coming, He yelled at me too." WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY TO THE WATCHMEN??" he said . I was dead scared and nervous and angry at that moment, so I did what all of us do in that situation, I lied that I thrashed the watchmen. but then he still kept on antagonizing, telling me what the hell i was doing, why didn't i found out the severed cable for the 1st time.
That's when i thought, what the hell ?? I still believe that there is good in my society, my father wanted me to scold or thrash that elderly watchmen, I couldn't do it. Does that make me less of a mature man?? I think m still trying to find out the answers or simply won't accepting the answers that exist.